well, I woke up one day, this past month, not really so sure when, and found that I had been hollowed out. not so sure how to explain it all, but it more or less concerns caring, and i've found that i just don't anymore...about anything. i find no purpose to any of it at all, i think the whole mess is one big bad joke. what i am referring to is life, i see no purpose to it at all, it looks to me that there is no end in sight, and no matter what you do, that will not change. now before you go justifying it all, let me just explain to you, that i was one of the most exhuberant people you will ever have met. i filled every room i went into with my smile. now, i have no interest in ANYTHING what-so-ever, and am merely putting one foot in front of the other (mostly for appearances) doing what is right in front of me, with no joy enthusiasm, or life. i am a bit peeved that this whole jokle has been played on me, and i am not depressed, you see i am in a frame of mind that i should be out sharing this gloom, and emptiness...i have not lost any energy, merely altered my state of being entirely...and although i don't really have any judgements about what anyone else is doing, i can see clearly that there really is no reason for me any longer
there is a small part of me that misses my ol' self, wherever she may have gone (you know, the self that could maintain the illusion that something mattered)